"what constitutes an interesting conversation" is a question that has occupied my head for a good chunk of the past year. it all started after i left the therapy that cured my depression, so to say. fundamentally, it wasn't anything different than the other six therapists i had gone to; but something about the way that we interacted, the back and forth nature of our conversations and the genuine listening from both parties built a bigger trust and role model in my head whom i could trust.
conversations didn't feel trivial between me and him—though i hid my gender and sexual identity from him, i could fully understand his stances and appreciate the psychological advice being given. at some point, we shifted from therapy to counseling, and from counseling to friendship. we have a 26 year difference from each other and yet he has bestowed upon me conversations i could never conceive. sure, i regularly talk to people much older than me, yet they don't seem very keen on listening and understanding, more so talking and expecting to be listened to. though i would consider myself a good listener, i wouldn't say that it's particularly fun having a pseudo-therapy session with every single person i talk to.
so then comes the question: what's an interesting conversation? or, more specifically, what's an interesting conversation to me?
when i was around in high school (for the brief year i was in), i remember being in almost no conversations—it was a result of being extremely young and also that most other people there already had bonds. but the conversations that i did have were mostly uninteresting, i wouldn't be able to recall them to you. i remember there always being some aspect of nothingness, as if i were talking to a wall or rather that i was that insurmountable wall. we traded silly nothings of life without any engaging mannerisms, and i just came out of conversations feeling empty. "you gotta see this play i did! absolute insanity" "whatcha think of the girls around here, young guy?" were common examples of nonsensical things i endured. and i would very much be down for a higher level of conversation but most people don't want to use any energy at all when talking, using it more as an escape mechanism. though understandable, it produces a sort of loneliness on me.
but there were times were little nothings turned into fully interesting conversations—backs and forths, mutual understandings, increasing development of the conversation. those were times that made me feel like the conversation had worth, like it was something that i would come out of fully understood. i can recall to you those. for example, i was talking to this girl about this horrible case of a girl being raped and almost killed. the topic was gruesome, but we ended up more fond of each other's ideas on the development of young men in society and how misogyny intrinsically affects every area of society. we ended up better friends, and i used to talk to her quite often when i had anything to say about the recent spike in misogyny or other cases.
i often still query myself on the particular question i presented at the beginning of the post, though the answer is more obvious to me now than ever. it's a strange feeling when i do have an interesting conversation because they tend to come out of nowhere. though i do enjoy listening and learning more about a person, coming out with this feeling that we both had a part in it is always extremely nice. though a good listener makes a difference, i believe that an interesting conversation leaves both with this feeling of having made a difference or being different after a conversation.
so then, what constitutes an interesting conversation? well, an interesting conversation is defined as a conversation where both parties are listening and constantly developing on ideas, even if certain tangents apply. the basis of the conversations will not matter when their developments become a joy to both parties, thus creating a satisfying feeling and a lasting memory, sometimes even a crucial development in the person themselves. and i believe that sums it up perfectly well based on my experiences with conversating.
the thing that you should probably consider coming out of this post is that you shouldn't be afraid to throw yourself at another person. give them space to breathe, but i'm sure that if you both take each other into consideration, you'll come out of every conversation better. thanks for reading