this post has been a long time coming. back when i first created this blog, i had 3 ideas for what i wanted to write: identity, time, and giftedness. i completed the last two (as you can see by my posts), but i haven't finished this one. also, 4 days since i haven't written a post. sorry for the lack of them, just feeling a little burnt out recently from life T_T
i got my diagnosis at around the age of 11. i didn't know what that diagnosis meant until around 14 years of age, when i grew a real conscience. back then, i'd be acting how i'm supposed to be acting now: 19. this "5 years of development" thing is a parameter that only got measured then with no further developments, so i'm going to assume that it persists (such as is the growth of the intelligence quotient). back then, i had just gotten out of a messy and very depressive year. will not disclose, but after that year, i got around to therapy and started to feel a little better. that year was so busy for me that it felt like 10 years in one. after that, i started having world awareness. suddenly i realized that i had to do something, be something. i could do so many great things, so i started to get around to that.
since then, i've developed quite a knack for geopoliticism, quantum mechanics, kinematic physics, pure mathematics, computer science, neurology, psychology, pedagogy and some other fields. my studies were quite profound but i wouldn't say nearly enough. i've been specializing myself more in psychology (as per my major), but still pursue the learning of other things. though i have a particular preference for the study of the human brain, exact sciences and certain social studies like geopolitics and other intrinsical contemporary debates always fascinate me. it wasn't around 2025 actually that i would say i actually know something. i wouldn't say i've accomplished anything major like the first paragraph suggests but i'd say i've done lots of great things for me and some peers. though i am attempting one more thing.
have you ever noticed how the human eye is infinitely better at perceiving quality than cameras? this is because of the way light reflects into the organ and the core understandings of the body and its translations into cognitive functions. all of this to say: cameras suck. downloading a photo off of google photos for something like schoolwork or reference sheets gives you a blurry, pixelated mess. how would we fix that? i went a little deeper, and made a small concept that still requires some more proof: subdivision graphics. see, subdivision isn't new. it's been around for quite some time now, and is especially prevalent in 3d modeling. but we could use it further. we could make graphics that subdivide practically infinitely but maintain a relatively small file size. i had to introduce mathematics into the play for that to work, and i began cranking down. i have a pretty solid bases that involves most of what we know about subdivision with something a computer can do really fast: calculating. so it theoretically loads fast and has good quality, almost infinite resolution. now, all of this is very speculatory and a little in the fantasy realm, but it is truly possible to achieve. i don't believe this is some groundbreaking, earthshattering result. but i believe that with due time, this could be refined and could make for some pretty good cameras.
wow, that was a lot of talking. let's get to the depressing stuff. boo. when i was younger (and this problem is quite prevalent now, too), i had really few friends. REALLY few friends. i'm talking like two. and now i practically don't have any, i think like one i really talk to (in fact, they're probably reading this right now). this was an enourmous hit on my mental health throughout all my life. having no one to talk to really damages how you feel. my parents didn't really understand me, thought i was just some rambling teenager living through teenager problems. while that was probably true now that i think about it, there was definitely something more. constant distractions, constant eating, constant health problems. i've been through a lot of lows, unfortunately, and it still hasn't stopped. but i'm getting better. getting somewhere. but anyway, this led me to bottle up about everything about me. have you heard of masking? it's this effect in neurodivergent people where they hide who they are because the world doesn't accept them. that's something probably everyone does, but not in the intensity and frequency neurodivergents do. and that happened a lot through my life! that's why no one really knows me, and why i had to write about this, why i had to make a blog. this tradition, practically engrained into my brain, is something i have to break out of. i've been alone really for most of my life, even when next to people. it was in offshore, quiet moments with people who were usually older than me where i found my peace. where i had any amount of peace, really.
a lot of adults really complimented me throughout my lifespan: that's why i wrote you're so smart in the first place, because of how much i heard this phrase being thrown around by people who didn't want to know me for who i was. by the way, did you know this font i'm using doesn't support em dashes? how stupid. anyways, adults really complimented me, right. and they also used me for a lot of information, specifically for anything they'd like to know that i knew. my dad was always fascinated with english, but didn't get around to learning it. i never really taught him in full, but gave him some things like "oh yeah you read sentences backward. instead of [object] [quality] it's [quality] [object] in english" and other tips for him to understand. my mother never really used me to understand anything, just really liked showing me off to her friends. some of my uncles and aunts really liked what i spoke (when i rarely did) and some of my early work on mathematics. my parents' friends were very impressed when i spoke so fluently on topics quite complicated even for them, but i also rarely spoke. i didn't like being a show off, i never wanted it to get to my head. but i loved praise. i loved being recognized when i was like alone for most of my life. the only "i love you"s i heard were from family and some offshore exes who, just as i, were really immature at the time. but i'm not that person anymore, so we keep moving. but in summary for this paragraph, i was my family's google and sometimes my school friends' calculator. though my pedagogy career is quite short lived, i'm probably going into it after majoring psychology.
this post is really messy and everywhere because it isn't really written from the perspective of wanting to be professional, it's just this need to write about who i am and what i am. like i've said a billion times, no one ever understood me. i was always the quiet little kid or the awkward, still quiet freshman. i've suffered with neuroses like anxiety and depression my whole life but didn't really express any of them until it was too late and i was having breakdowns in public. but aside from that, i've been extremely chill. i have a life philosophy that was acquired not only from me but from other people's lives and from my observings of existence. studying neurobiology, it grew on me that there was finally a need to understand what and how i was as a human being. what my purpose was, my religions, etc. and i chose on agnostic because it made the most sense to me and it still does. there's no downsides to believing in supernature and there's no downsides to doubting supernature. i can play both sides and still come out winning due to empiric evidence and all that. and i've developed my own little lies i tell myself to stay sane and my own life design to also stay sane. sometimes i don't say truths but i wouldn't really say i don't partake in what i believe. i want to better myself, so i try to do what i say. of course, it doesn't really come naturally as i am a big hypocrit, but it helps most of the time. and that most of the time is worth it.
i believe that's all. not the shortest post but not the biggest. i wanted to keep it short and also come clear about my thoughts and who i was. i believe that after reading, you'll understand a bit more about what i am and what i do. but this post doesn't really talk about everything that happens with me. this post isn't all of me, you'd have to talk to me to get that. and i hope you do, i'd love to share more mind, but no pressure. i'm not that desperate LMAO
thanks for reading. if you've made it this far, leave a like, comment, subscribe. follow me on twitter if you haven't, share this with 5 of your friends so the tickle monster won't eat you or whatever those copypastas did, and have fun. have lots of fun. enjoy life like there isn't a tomorrow, because there might not be. but don't go doing things that aren't ethical and that do not benefit your peers. everyone has to be having fun. that's it, stay chill, i'll see y'all later!! :]