time is a very funny thing. after the pandemic (woah that was 6 years ago), i can confidently say that a good margin of people have had their feeling of time distorted. and i can say the same for me. being gifted, i always experienced some sort of time dilation between me and the world. seconds felt slower, but days passed so much faster. i always thought too much for a single second, and all of that has led me to have a very different perspective on time. i've already mentioned the faster aging my frontal cortex has gone through, but this whole time thing is just a very slippery slope for me, really.
when i was younger, i feel like time passed a lot faster. as i started to rapidly mature however, it was when i started to think a lot faster and have my days pass slower, yet still feel to pass at a considerably rapid rate. may that be because i spend most of my time distracting myself or because i think faster is a mystery i have yet to know. this offset that i feel is mainly present during certain episodes or during long sessions where i spend "doing nothing", when i'm in fact thinking for upwards of 4 hours.
i've had this feeling where i was constantly living a different set of years in a single year. of course it's normal to categorize and group parts of your life, but every moment i spent was this sort of significant life event that didn't leave my mind until months later. this feeling of thoughts lasting makes time drag on so much longer. i always feel like i'm in this weird limbo of being in the present, the past and the future (as i will discuss more about in the next paragraph), which hasn't helped me at all at living with other people. this disconnection, this lack of commonality, especially in something so present as time makes everything a lot harder.
a lot of my posts are complaining about my life which makes me sound a lot more like an angsty adolescent than a maladapted neurodivergent young adult. though not everything is bad about how my time passes. see, i get the ropes of things extremely easily, which just allows me more time to learn new things faster than ever. the time to specialize in something is also significantly cut down, as shown by the attendance of some of my certain patients later down my "therapist friend career" and my overall proficiency in programming with sticks and stones. so not everything has a downside! but the downsides it has are much more felt than the positives.
that's it for me. expect an actually good post sometime soon. see y'all later!! :]