today is the last day of the year. i write this as it is around 9:50 PM. i wanted to try and make sense of 2025 in the last post of the year. i don't experience time very linearly. i'll write a post about it soon, but i have this sort of time distortion where days are mostly counters, and my experiences are only felt if i... well, felt it. and 2025 didn't really have a lot of those moments, i feel. which is good! last year was by far my worst year and i felt a lot of it, so it's good that this year was more defined.
this year's first half was extremely bad. the trump administration fucking up every single other country, my overall feeling of loneliness increasing and a general lack of being understood. but then came around like april to may. around then, i switched therapists. this therapist was one that i at first was really reluctant in meeting, as he was very straightforward. but in the end, i ended up really liking him. he was the first therapist that actually understood me, and our conversations felt stimulating. he made me actually get better and realize my potential at my lowest points, and i thank him for that. though the work was primarily me, his motivation was a breath of fresh air.
this year was pretty good and pretty bad. i've been swinging a lot more in mood recently, but that's because it's life. one of my professors once said that life is a constant stream of sadness with peaks of happiness. it's kinda true, if you think about it. peaks may last longer, and streams may look shorter, but it is like that. one of the things that didn't get better this year was my irl friend count. i have a few colleagues that i talk to from now and then, but i don't really have friends i talk to a lot. the therapist friend post touches briefly on this subject.
look, i'm going to be very honest with you, the reader. my life is currently a piece of shit. that doesn't mean that it can't get better, but it'll take a hell of a lot longer until it happens. i have a bunch of post ideas that i want to write about that illustrate a little bit of my point that i just really can't express in a single post alone. but i don't want to end this post on a bad note, on a negative end comment. so i want to do a little bit of a thanking section. i know thanksgiving already passed, but it's never too late to appreciate the existence and the participation of everyone in your life.
thank you everyone from The Whimsical Cauldron, especifically no-transmitter. though you may not know, you've all helped me multiple times along this short month i interacted. to many more.
thank you everyone from the Balatro Modding Community, you're all wonderful. it was a pleasure to be a part of such an amazing group of people, and your acceptance towards my pettiness and sometimes stupidity was very appreciated.
thank you everyone from my group chat of friends. you're all extremely nice people, and your presence in my life makes it all the much better.
thank you to my brother. you're the best person i've ever met, genuinely. though you may never read this on your own, i want it to be known that i love you. thank you.
thank you, the reader, for taking the time to read my stupid little posts. i took on this want to journal, to express my feelings in a way such that it is public, and you caring enough about me to actually read makes me extremely thankful. i don't usually share a lot, not many people actually know me. your interest in who i am and what i do flatters me. may we have a good 2026. one full not of hate, not of sheer bullshit, not of negativity, but of joy and happiness. may we have a 2026 where we can keep our chin up despite the hurdles the world throws at us. happy new year.
Thank you.