i'm a very friendly person. in the sense of being kind and sensible, not in the sense of having a lot of friends. one of the things that plagues me is my brain age. most people consider me smart (hell, even i do sometimes), but the truth is i'm literally like any other person, i just learn fast. and in that learning, i store my info. the problem with knowing a lot more than your peers is that now you're completely disconnected from everyone else, and now socializing will get a hell of a lot worse.
socializing is a cycle between every person you see every day. strangers, work peers, college peers, parents, whoever else. i don't have a lot of irl friends, so that leaves me with parents and strangers mostly. this has been like this since forever. it's bad, it's so bad, like it's horrible. being trapped in this constant loop of connecting with no one your age and only connecting with people who want nothing to do with you sucks. i've had interesting conversations when i was 15 with some like 20 year olds. 20 YEAR OLDS!! that's an insanely large gap between ages, and to me it was completely normal and i loved it. but like i never saw them again. this was a one time thing where i actually felt like a conversation had worth as a kid.
i've always had friends online, this isn't a new thing to me. most of them were, yes, a lot older than me. and we had fun conversations sometimes, but i didn't have the maturity to understand how everything felt. so it always was kind of awkward when i talked to them. fast forward to this year. i met a group of people online who were into modding this little card game called "balatro". i wasn't actually that good at programming and still am not that good, but i do what i can with what i know. and they were really receptive and really nice. i missed the opportunity, but i could've partaken in a coding event where we made a community mod. since i missed it, i joined the server to still talk to my friends. met some pretty nice people there as well, and it was around there that i was first beginning to feel like belonging somewhere.
after the release of the mod, the server opened to new people. i gradually grew my distance from there and migrated to a group chat with some people. at some point, that also became stale. so i was scrolling around and saw a twitter account called "popsickkl", advertising a discord server for her audience of mainly silksong fans. i didn't know she streamed, but i also learned that later on. i was a little shy at first, but then i found that there was a voice chat that was very active. so i joined there, and started messaging. they had a channel for people without mics known as "no-transmitter", and that's where i talked. and that's where i met a BUNCH of cool artists, kind folks and generally really nice people.
and that's where i sit today! i'm glad to be in a group where i have people who are so nice to me and who practically adopted me. i didn't open up at first, but after i threw in some of my thoughts, everything started flowing. i even met other brazilians (one of them very mean and another really nice called xest), so it was very nice. i'd like to list some of my friends from there!!
that's only some of my friends!! if any of them (who weren't included) are reading this i'm SO sorry. though it's most likely because i don't know you very well. anyways: i'm glad i could find a group of friends! though this will most likely not stay forever, staying there has given me some sort of new sense of friendship, i suppose. that's it for me. i'll see y'all!! :]